Children have been entrusted to us and it’s a huge responsibility. I often think that having children should require a lot more preparation and training on our part. Before we’re ever allowed to bring children into this world we should understand how we’re going to raise them and how it will affect them later in life. Best of all would be if we had all worked through our own childhood baggage before becoming parents ourselves. Of course, that would be a perfect world but the reality is that we are all learning on the job. Learning takes time and it requires the courage to say, “Stop! Hold up! Wait a minute!” when we realise that change is needed. It’s perfectly okay to admit that your way may not be the right way and put in the work to become a better parent. I think most parents are worried about whether they’re doing a good job but it shouldn’t stop there. In order to grow as parents we need to be willing to read and consult with others.
A few years ago I had no idea what gentle parenting was or how it worked. I don’t recall anyone mentioning it to me or reading many blogs or books on the topic. However, as we were raising our kids I just knew that I wanted to do things differently. I wanted to meet my children on their level. I wanted them to speak freely and honestly with me about my flaws and challenges in our relationship. I didn’t want to use physical punishments to get my children to listen to me. I didn’t want to raise my voice. I wanted to pull them in closely and ask them what was going on and how I could help. It turns out that I was leaning towards a gentle parenting approach before I even knew what it was. I knew that it wasn’t good enough to say that we do things simply because it’s the way we were raised. I wanted to find another path for connection and mutual trust. I’ve made plenty mistakes on the way but it hasn’t stopped me from dusting myself off and trying again.
So, before I go too far… Gentle Parenting is a parenting approach that encourages a partnership between you and your child to make choices based on an internal willingness instead of external pressures. I’m not an expert and I’m learning every single day but there are so many great blogs and websites to learn from as you lean into this approach. It’s not an easy approach but I’ve found many benefits and pleasures raising our children this way. Gentle parenting has lead us down the path of connection and trust. My children are more willing to share their thoughts, feelings, disappointments and temptations with us without the fear of being reprimanded or punished. We apologise when we don’t get something right so they’ve learned that none of us are perfect and that there is always room for restoration and reconciliation. It has been life changing and freeing and I think it helps children to really develop their own convictions rather than living up to the expectations of parents. We don’t sweat the small stuff and honestly, most of it is small stuff when you’re trying raise children who know that they are loved and accepted. Full stop!
We are on the brink of the teenage years and I have no idea what that’s going to be like, as always, I’ll be learning on the job. However, I sincerely hope that the foundations we’ve laid will help us to navigate the challenges and triumphs of transitioning from one stage to the next.
If you’d like to know about more resources on gentle parenting, please reach out and I’ll be happy to share! We are all learning and growing together. I don’t think it ever stops!